One-to-one meetings are where leadership either shines or falls flat. On the surface, they’re a simple exchange of updates and feedback. But beneath that, they’re a test of a leader’s ability to connect.
Some leaders walk into these conversations armed only with data: targets, reports, and milestones. The meeting becomes a transaction—quick, efficient, but forgettable.
Others bring something more. They notice when someone’s tone wavers, when energy dips, or when enthusiasm sparks. They sense what isn’t being said. They pause, ask questions, and create space for honesty.
That single moment is everything. And for your team member it’s the difference between feeling reduced to a checklist, and feeling seen, valued, and safe to open up. That’s the power of emotional intelligence—the superpower that turns ordinary leadership into extraordinary leadership.
Daniel Goleman, the psychiatrist who popularised the term, defines emotional intelligence EQ as the ability to recognise, understand, and manage our own emotions—while also recognising, understanding, and influencing the emotions of others.
It’s not a “soft skill.” It’s a core leadership capability. In fact, research shows EQ is a stronger predictor of leadership success than IQ or technical expertise.
In his recent LinkedIn article on the necessity of EQ in modern life, Goleman explains that leaders who practice self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills aren’t just “better with people”—they’re more effective overall. These qualities create trust, loyalty, and resilience.
In a 1:1, this means spotting the moment when someone’s energy dips, noticing the slight pause before they answer, or recognising the spark of enthusiasm when they talk about a new idea.
Our RedSeed leadership development content has been designed with these exact skills in mind. Leaders can access courses from the RedSeed Library to practice and strengthen their EQ—turning theory into a daily habit.
Some leaders still dismiss EQ as “soft stuff.” But the numbers tell a different story:
In other words: emotional intelligence isn’t a bonus — it’s a business advantage.
RedSeed supports leaders to structure their one-to-one coaching with targeted learning pathways. Whether it’s resilience, feedback skills, or communication, these courses will support organisational learning and development.
Daniel Goleman’s five pillars of EQ aren’t abstract theory—they’re daily leadership tools. In one-on-one conversations, they show up in subtle but powerful ways:
Great leaders know their own emotional state before stepping into a conversation. If you’re stressed from an earlier meeting, your team will feel it in your tone, your body language, and even the pace of your words. Without awareness, frustration can spill over and be misinterpreted as criticism.
A self-aware leader notices the tension in themselves and takes a moment to reset—maybe by breathing, jotting down notes, or simply acknowledging, “I’m carrying some stress from earlier, but I want to be fully here with you.” That honesty disarms defensiveness and sets the tone for a constructive dialogue.
Even when leaders are aware of their emotions, the challenge is managing them in the moment. Imagine a team member admits they’ve missed a deadline. The instinct might be to jump in with solutions—or worse, to let frustration leak into your response.
A leader with strong self-management resists both impulses. Instead, they stay calm, curious, and present. They might say, “Let’s slow down—what’s been getting in the way?” This creates psychological safety, showing the team member that honesty isn’t punished but valued.
True leadership requires an inner drive that doesn’t depend on constant external rewards. Self-motivation is about staying focused on purpose, growth, and long-term goals—even when challenges stack up.
In a one-to-one, a self-motivated leader models resilience. For example, if a quarter’s results look discouraging, they might say, “This is tough, but here’s what excites me about where we’re heading.” Their ability to maintain optimism and commitment inspires others to push forward too. Leaders who stay motivated from within signal to their teams that setbacks are temporary, but shared purpose endures.
Empathy is the ability to step into another person’s shoes and see the world from their perspective. It’s not about agreeing with everything—it’s about understanding.
A leader attuned to empathy hears the slight tremor in a team member’s voice when deadlines are mentioned. Instead of glossing over it, they lean in: “I noticed you hesitated—what’s going on for you?” That single question can unlock honesty about workload, confidence, or personal struggles.
Empathy transforms a one-to-one from a performance review into a human conversation. It communicates, “I care about you as a person, not just as an employee.”
Relationship management brings the other pillars to life. This is about building trust, resolving conflicts, and fostering collaboration. In practice, this means knowing when to challenge, when to support, and when to simply listen.
In a one-to-one, a leader with strong relationship management skills doesn’t just talk about numbers. They turn the conversation into an opportunity to deepen the relationship: “I know we’ve had some tension in the past around deadlines—how can we approach it differently this time?”
Over time, these conversations strengthen bonds, increase loyalty, and create a culture where people feel both supported and accountable.
The difference? When you approach your one-to-ones with EQ, a check-in becomes more than a status update—it becomes a chance to connect, inspire, and empower.
If emotional intelligence is such a critical leadership skill, why don’t more leaders use it consistently? The truth is, most leaders want to lead with emotional intelligence, but three common barriers get in the way:
Leadership comes with relentless targets and deadlines. When the heat is on, it feels faster to stick to metrics. Asking “How are you?” can feel like a luxury when numbers are slipping. But when leaders default to results over relationships, they risk missing the human signals that drive performance in the first place.
Leaders often underestimate how their words, tone, or expressions land. A clipped “fine” or a raised eyebrow can undermine trust more than they realise. Without feedback, these blind spots stay hidden.
Dashboards and AI insights can be seductive. They tell you who’s on track and who’s behind—but not why. Data can’t show whether someone’s struggling with confidence, home stress, or disengagement. Leaders who over-rely on tech risk turning one-on-ones into status updates instead of coaching conversations.
When leaders focus on metrics first and humans second, they may see quick results—tasks get ticked off, deadlines met, numbers reported. But this comes at a cost. Compliance is not the same as commitment.
The irony is sharp: the harder leaders push for output without emotional intelligence, the more likely they are to see the opposite—disengagement, burnout, and declining results.
Team members stop giving their best when they feel unseen or undervalued. They’ll do the bare minimum, but creativity, collaboration, and initiative disappear.
Without empathy and support, high pressure becomes unsustainable. People push until they can’t, leading to exhaustion, absenteeism, and turnover.
If every conversation feels transactional, team members start withholding the truth. Problems are hidden, and issues that could have been addressed early become crises.
The paradox is that performance, the very thing leaders chase, slips away when EQ is missing. Team members who don’t feel connected to their leaders won’t go the extra mile.
Leaders often don’t see the damage right away. On the surface, things still look fine: deadlines are being met, reports are filed, and KPIs are updated. But under the surface, morale is quietly draining away. The team is present in body, but not in spirit.
Leaders who ignore EQ mistake compliance for commitment—and that’s a costly error.
Gallup’s research over the last two decades consistently shows the power—and cost—of emotional connection at work:
The message is clear: leaders who ignore emotional intelligence risk not only losing the hearts of their team but also undermining the very performance they’re chasing. Emotional intelligence isn’t a “nice to have.” It’s the difference between a workplace that runs on fear and compliance versus one that runs on trust and commitment.
When leaders skip EQ, they might meet this quarter’s targets—but they’ll do so at the expense of next quarter’s team spirit. Over time, results slide, trust crumbles, and good people walk away.
Leaders who invest in EQ, on the other hand, build sustainable performance. They keep their people engaged, resilient, and motivated—not because they have to, but because they want to.
Ready to turn EQ into everyday practice? Explore the RedSeed leadership library.
The good news is that emotional intelligence is a leadership skill that isn’t fixed. It’s not something you either have or don’t. As Daniel Goleman has stressed in his work, EQ can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time. That’s what makes it such a powerful leadership skill—because every leader has the potential to improve.
Here are five practical ways to develop your EQ in your one-on-ones:
That tiny moment between emotion and response is leadership gold. It’s what Viktor Frankl called the “space between stimulus and response,” where growth and freedom live. A leader who pauses before speaking has a chance to choose empathy instead of frustration.
Example: Instead of snapping when a team member admits they’re behind, a leader might pause and say, “Tell me what’s getting in the way.”
Leaders who regulate their emotions in high-pressure moments are seen as more trustworthy and credible.
Closed questions shut conversations down. Open questions open them up. In a 1:1, they create space for reflection and ownership.
Instead of: “Did you finish the task?”
Try: “What challenges came up as you worked on this?”
Coaching leaders who ask open, exploratory questions drive higher engagement because team members feel genuinely heard and included in problem-solving.
Communication is more than words. Body language, tone, and pace of speech all carry meaning. Studies by psychologist Albert Mehrabian famously suggested that up to 93% of communication is non-verbal (tone and body language combined).
While the exact percentage is debated, the point stands: what people don’t say often matters most.
Self-awareness grows when you invite others to hold up the mirror. Ask your team: “How do I come across when I’m under pressure?” or “What do I do that makes it easier—or harder—for you to be honest with me?”
Leaders who regularly seek feedback are perceived as more effective by their teams. It signals humility, builds trust, and helps uncover blind spots.
Leaders who share their struggles create psychological safety. Brené Brown, author and researcher, calls vulnerability the birthplace of trust and innovation.
It shows your team you’re human—and gives them permission to be human too.
Our RedSeed leadership courses will help your leaders build their EQ in all these areas, so that they can spot those subtle cues and respond in the right way.
Each of these skills is supported inside the RedSeed leadership courses. Leaders don’t just learn what EQ is—they practice it.
Think about the leaders who left the biggest impression on you. Chances are, it wasn’t their technical expertise you remember; it was how they made you feel.
A leader with EQ can walk into a tense room and diffuse it with a single empathetic remark. They can turn failure into learning by reframing mistakes. They can inspire loyalty not through authority, but through authenticity.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about being effective—seeing people clearly, responding wisely, and leading with both head and heart.
So, what’s the real choice for modern leaders?
The best leaders understand this: data informs, but emotions drive. Numbers tell you where you are, but emotional intelligence tells you how to get where you want to go—with your people still on board.
In the end, leadership isn’t measured only by targets hit or projects delivered. It’s measured by the human impact you leave behind.
Anyone can manage numbers. Few can truly lead people.
And those who can? They have one thing in common: emotional intelligence.
That’s why EQ isn’t optional anymore. It’s the superpower every leader needs.
Q1. What is emotional intelligence in leadership?
A set of skills—self-awareness, self-management, self-motivation, empathy, and relationship management—that help leaders recognise and respond to emotions to improve trust, engagement, and performance.
Q2. How does EQ improve one-to-one meetings?
It shifts check-ins from transactional updates to coaching conversations—leaders notice what’s unsaid, ask better questions, and co-create action plans.
Q3. Can emotional intelligence be learned?
Yes. With practice and feedback. The RedSeed leadership library provides structured content to build these skills over time.
Q4. What tools help reinforce EQ in daily leadership?
The RedSeed 1:1 tool provides templated agendas, action items, and integrations with learning pathways so leaders keep EQ front-and-centre.
Q5. How do I start improving EQ today?
Pick one habit—pausing before reacting, asking open questions, or seeking feedback—and use it in your next one-to-one. Then reflect and iterate.
Karen Gowans
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